my shit smells like andre
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
