omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently you make a good broom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
