Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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