it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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