i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
