hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize