She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
