Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
