Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
