TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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