so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
