Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
