he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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