I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
