I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
