is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Randomize
