i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
