I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
