you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
