sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
