Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
