her vagine was all disorganized.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
