FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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