Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
