we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
