You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
