He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
