i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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