I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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