So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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