You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
