is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
