I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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