toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
