i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
