remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Non-Jews are for practice
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
