Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
