marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
