I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
