This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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