you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
