umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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