Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
