we have officially lost it.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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