Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
