I just pynch a tree in the face
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
