It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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