so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
