Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
