Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
