he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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