I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
