i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
