can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
